brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
