i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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