I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
