she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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