Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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