Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
