Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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