Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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