dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
