Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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