Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
