He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
