the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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