My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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