He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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