I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
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theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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