forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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