I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
