it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
