is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize