I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
