If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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