I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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