Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
