you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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