he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
