I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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