If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
