I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
