Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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