i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
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my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
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I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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