I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
