Joe is yelling at the trees again.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
