I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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