I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When are your genitals available?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
