After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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