Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Randomize
