I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
