foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
