So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
