i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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