Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
