They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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