check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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