I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
