he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
