Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
