If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize