but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
