Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
