I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
