fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
