What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
