you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
