her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
