I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
