if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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