I think my fart just growled at me.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
