I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
