we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
