you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
