I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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